Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
