angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
where are you?
Hypothermia
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
