Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
