you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
