I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
