Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
