It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
