Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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