We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
