no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
