Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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