Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
