everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
