if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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