If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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