I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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