Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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