Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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