I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
