He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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