Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
