I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize