i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I stole a fireplace last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
