I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
