ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
