Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
