No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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