ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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