ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
