Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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