I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize