if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it's like iHOP with fire
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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