can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Couch. On fire.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize