real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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