??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
