oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
