How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
