I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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