Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
