Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize