Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
