Already got asked if we're dating
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
