Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We are all done wearing pants today
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