I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
