Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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