I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
