Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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