some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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