"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
