I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
