You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
