we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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