Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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