So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
