Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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