jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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