You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
