I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
