haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize