i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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