I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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