She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
