I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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