you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
