yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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