The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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