I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
