dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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