thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
