so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
