At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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