Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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