Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
