it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
