Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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