u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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