This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
NoShamevember. You game?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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