you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
