on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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