That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
