Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
