I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Never underestimate the power of titties
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
