My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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