I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
