So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
