I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
