When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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