Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
