There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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