Your tits are I can't wait for
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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