I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
