I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
