You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
