So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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