just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
