bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
