you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
