i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
