party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
