Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
accomplished twins. life is a go
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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