i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize