three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
