I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
