May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
