All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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