You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
